How to Support a Loved One Who Is Struggling: An "R U OK?" Day Guide to Meaningful Connection

We all go through moments of distress and uncertainty in our lives, whether it's due to illness, loss, work stress, financial difficulties, family conflict, relationship challenges, or parenting struggles. These experiences can deeply impact our well-being and mental health. If your partner is going through a difficult time, your support, understanding, and connection can make all the difference in helping them navigate their challenges.

In our previous blog post, we explored ways to support a loved one struggling with their mental health. In this post, we’re diving into meaningful ways you can reach out to your partner, check in, offer support, and strengthen your connection during tough times.

Before checking in with others, it's a good idea to check in with yourself. You need to be present and prepared to be able to have a meaningful conversation with someone. Try asking yourself the following questions:

Am I in a good headspace?

Am I willing and able to listen mindfully?

Am I willing and able to give this the time it needs?

Are we both going to be comfortable?

Are we both able to be fully present and free from distractions?

Open the Lines of Communication

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply ask, “How are you really doing?” Reaching out with a caring and open heart can create space for your loved one to share their feelings. Here are some thoughtful ways to open up the conversation:

"I’ve noticed you seem down lately. Can you tell me what’s on your mind?"
"You don’t seem like yourself. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I care about you, and I just wanted to check in and make sure you're okay. How are you feeling?"
"What's been on your mind lately? You can talk to me about anything."
"I'm here for you, and I want to know how you're doing. How’s everything going?"

Starting with a simple, honest question opens the door to meaningful dialogue and reassures your partner that they have a safe space to talk.

Provide Empathy, Understanding, and Reassurance

When your partner is struggling, it’s important to show that you truly see and hear their pain. Offering empathy, understanding, and gentle reassurance can help them feel supported:

"I’m really sorry you're going through this. You don’t have to carry this alone—I'm here with you."
"You’re not alone in this. We’ll face this challenge together."
"I’m here for you, and I’m so glad you reached out. We’ll get through this together."
"It takes a lot of courage to open up about what you're feeling, and I admire your strength."
"Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. I'm here to support you in any way I can."

Your partner needs to know they are valued and loved, no matter what they're going through. Offering words of reassurance can help to reduce their anxiety and remind them that they are not alone in their struggles.

Ask, Don’t Assume

Sometimes, when we see our loved ones struggling, our instinct is to offer advice or jump in with solutions. However, it's important to first ask what they need rather than assuming. Your partner may just need someone to listen, or they might want guidance. Here's how to ask with intention:

"How can I best support you through this?"
"What do you need most from me right now?"
"Do you want advice, or would you prefer I just listen?"
"Is there anything I can do to lighten the load for you?"
"Are there any activities you enjoy that we could do together to take your mind off things?"

By asking these questions, you're empowering your partner to express their needs while giving them control over the situation. This also ensures you're offering the type of support they truly need.

Check In Regularly

Support doesn't end with one conversation. Ongoing check-ins are crucial to ensure your partner feels cared for and that you’re staying connected. Make a habit of asking how they're feeling and following up on previous conversations. Here are some ways to check in:

"How have you been feeling lately?"
"Has anything changed since we last spoke? You've been on my mind."
"How have you been since our last talk? I just wanted to check in."
"I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing?"
"We talked about seeking support from a counsellor. Did you get a chance to look into that?"

This regular communication will show your partner that their well-being is important to you and that you're actively there for them, even after the initial conversation.

Connection Questions

Sometimes, it’s helpful to dive deeper into the relationship and ask reflective questions that can guide you both toward a deeper understanding of each other’s needs. Consider asking these questions to create more intentional, loving conversations:

"Is there a way I can remind you that I care about you during difficult moments?"
"In what ways can I be a better partner/friend to you when you're struggling?"
"Are you happy with the way we communicate? Is there anything I can improve?"
"When you feel upset, what do you need from me to feel supported?"
"What does good support look or feel like to you?"
"Do you feel safe communicating your needs and feelings with me?"
"When you’re having a bad day, do you prefer space or spending time together?"

These questions help you understand what your partner truly needs and allow you to work together to improve your connection. They also encourage open communication, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Your Presence Is Powerful

Supporting a loved one who is struggling can be challenging, but your support can be life changing. By staying present, empathetic, and proactive in your approach, you can create a safe space for your partner to express themselves and navigate their difficulties with confidence. Remember, it’s not just about offering advice—sometimes, the most important thing you can do is listen, care, and reassure.

If you're unsure of how to offer the best support or if the challenges become too overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a professional counsellor can provide valuable tools and strategies for both you and your partner.

Support is available from the following organisations: (remember you can always call these free services for support and advice on what to do next). More resources: ruok.org.au/findhelp

Lifeline (24/7 ) 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service (24/7) 1300 659 467

Beyond Blue (24/7) 1300 224 636

Kids Helpline (24/7, for youth 5-25) 1800 55 1800

MensLine (24/7) 1300 78 99 78

For more tips on how to talk to your loved ones about mental health, visit https://www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask